What is reiki?

We’re going to try and answer the often asked question, ‘what is reiki?’ here in a way that doesn’t sound like total codswallop. So, bear with us because to some people reiki is mysterious, foreign or just plain made up, and we’re here to try and explain why we’re of a different opinion.

So, for starters, answer this question. When you experience pain, what do you do?

The reality is we all naturally perform the fundamental essence of reiki healing on a daily basis. It’s innate within all of us because we’re willing to bet that most of you would at some point, particularly immediately following the onset of that pain, place your hands over the source of that pain. And from so doing, we’ll experience a dulling in the sharpness, and essentially begin to soothe away pain. That is healing energy that is otherwise known as the Japanese technique or therapy of Reiki healing.

Let’s explain this technique better.

If we have a headache we cradle our head with our hands. If you hurt yourself your hands grasp the area until the pain disappears. When you have a tummy ache you soothe it with your hands. We could go on and on about the wondrous natural nature of reiki healing. And yet so many people either don’t believe in reiki healing or are busy asking, what is reiki?

And yet, the pronounced situations continue. What about when we’re soothing others from their pain? Say for instance a little one falls, what do you do? You place your hands on their knee. You may even embrace them. You kiss their pain and make it all better. These are all alternative therapies. They ease pain and suffering, through your touch. And through the power of this touch, via this healing energy of laying your hands or your embrace, the little one’s tears will dry up. Because you’ve provided them with the therapy that they need to feel better and dull their pain. Inadvertently, you’ve passed on your energy through the practice of transferring the warmth and force of your spiritual touch.

Hopefully now we’ve explained that reiki healing is a universal method that we all use for the benefits of ourselves or others wellness. But, why do you use this holistic therapy to heal?

Reiki is a natural healing instinct. We may not understand it and we may therefore be the ones who ask, ‘what is reiki?’ but reiki healing a therapy that we all instinctively use. Often on a daily basis.

The fundamentals commonly remain the same even when you’re not dealing with a physical pain such as a cut knee. If you’re under stress and you just need some relaxation time, what do you do? You’ll hold your head, place your hands over your heart to stop it racing after a shock or you’ll enjoy some other spiritual treatment by laying your hands over an alternative source of discomfort. Emotionally or physically.

We can often tie this into the healing power of meditation, but we’ll come to that in another blog because that is another way that subtle shift in energy can help to promote us to heal in a non-invasive way.

The roots of both of these modalities can be founded in all of the complementary therapies that Essential Feeling provide, including massage and reflexology. When one person touches another with a healing intention, that energy passes to help the process along. Whether the desired outcome be mental, physical or emotional relaxed.

Face massage

What is it that you are doing?

The practice of this healing touch is reiki. And this is why we use this natural relaxing technique that facilitates wellbeing.

Think about reiki healing in another way.

Away from cosmic healing, chakras and energy centres and buddhist channeling. Let’s talk practical examples.

Our bodies are made up of energy. We don’t question that an electric socket carries energy to light up a bulb, nor that a wind turbine creates energy through movement. So why would it be any different with our bodies which are made up of millions of constantly moving parts (living organisms)?

We exist in a universe of energy and when we use our hands we are using our hands to comfort that hurt. But the use of our hands and energy goes beyond hurt.
What about an expectant mother caressing her baby bump. A baby will react in the womb to this touch. It will wake, and start to move. Or calm if it is stressed. And the effect is pronounced for expectant mothers that we often will see them soothing their unborn child by touching their bumps. It’s an ancient technique that we don’t question.

The same goes for a couple holding hands. When we first meet we fall in love and our energies are drawn to connect. We do this in the first phase by touching hands. Just like practitioners of any complementary therapy will make a gentle touch on your body during your treatment. If someone is crying and we’re sitting across the table from them, what do we do? We lean over and place our hand on theirs as it rests around their cold coffee cup.

And a handshake or a pat on the back — we all like that, right? Are we starting to make sense now about what reiki is? Sure, reiki is a form of alternative therapy, and yes, reiki is a healing modality, but it’s something that we don’t need training for.

It just happens.

However, a reiki practitioner has been trained to draw out this energy and use it just like that wind turbine’s energy doesn’t just fly off into an abyss. It’s channelled.

In a nutshell this is the essence of reiki healing. We could go into all the background about reiki is a Japanese healing technique, that reiki healing is an ancient modality. But essentially, reiki is using one person’s energy to benefit another by transferring some of their good surplus to a person that needs it more.

To be more specific, reiki is the transfer of the highest healing energy from one being to another. Reiki healing amplifies and intensifies the power of touch. It promotes balance and harmony in your spirit, mind and body. Reiki healing is a natural, simple and powerful practise anyone can learn to help themselves. Anyone of any age, at any time. But, if you don’t want to learn reiki healing then Essential Feeling have got you covered.

Experience the power of touch. Tap into and experience your life-force energy at Essential Feeling today.

Understanding grief

The role of a therapist is to build a relationship with the other person so they can gain an understanding of grief for that person and find healthy ways for them to express their grief.
Grief is invisible and people will be told that they look well, but underneath the person will feel let down because they’re really feeling terrible.

Pain and sorrow is the agent of change. It forces you to adapt to the new reality that you don’t want to face.

Counselling is the way to get help to adapt to this new reality.

The length of the grieving to some extent lasts years and a lifetime because we hold memories in our bodies and they live on in us, whether this be for a spouse or a pet. Understanding the longevity of grief is part of understanding grief. What we know from good recent research is that the bond is still there, the relationship continues even though the person has died and we mourn them.
Everyone uses a mechanism that they use to default to coping with loss. This may be to work hard, to drink, to have sex, keeping busy. People use these as blockers to stop them feeling so we need to find different, healthy, mechanisms to allow us to feel and reconnect with our past experiences with the close person we have lost.
As society we don’t accept people suffering because it makes us feel awkward. We don’t know how to say they must be really gong through it so we avoid these intense conversations with platitudes. But this is no support.
Every thought has a physiological outcome, we feel pain in e,g. our chest and it can affect our breathing. This can quickly start to take over if we’re not expecting it and we feel like we’re losing our mind. It’s easier to panic about the physical effects than deal with and recover from our emotional loss.
This is why exercise can help because you are telling your body that you are flying, your using the panic pro-actively. Massage helps simulate this same outcome by stimulating your blood flow and endorphins as sport would.

Grief is a small tidy word that describes a chaotic process.

Around 15% of psychological disorders come from unresolved grief, so understanding grief has a massive impact throughout the world on our mental health. The process of grief is finding the level of our grief, expressing the emotional loss that we feel in our being. The pain is what forces you to express your grief. Some people painting, others play music but these ways are outlets that allow us to express our grief and move forward, hence why we say that pain is the agent of change.
When we are grieving, we block our grieving and then we block our healing. We function on a daily level, but our emotional capacity to engage with love is shortened and often confused.

Pain

Pain is one of the most confusing aspects of grief and most people feel guilt. It could be that you’re alive, that they didn’t have the last conversation, there are many regrets and there aren’t any rules about how to cope with this.
The thing that helps the most is self-compassion. When we’re hurting we end up attacking ourselves. When we’re already down. The best thing is to allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling and treat yourself as you would a friend. Be kind and give yourself some compassion.
When someone dies the whole family system is disrupted. You have the different members of the family and one thread is cut out which tilts the balance. Each family members have different ways of expressing and dealing with their grief. Grief doesn’t follow one linear path.

Open communication

What’s critical is open communication where people are allowed to be different, grief will likely subside for some people faster than others who struggle more with getting back to normal. These family units with open communication are the most successful at reorganising because they understand the intensity of your grief is different, but no more or less relevant. Often a family is ruptured so not only the person dies, but the source of comfort is also now missing.
So, family and friends are the source of comfort, but when they’re missing this is when you need the bereavement after death services the likes of which Essential Feeling offer. A compassionate ear, a clear space to express your thoughts in a safe environment, whilst understanding the importance of how physical pain and emotional release interact and connect to help you with getting over grief.

How to help someone who is suffering with bereavement after a death.

1. Acknowledge the loss. Don’t try and avoid it, or negate it. Don’t say it’s a relief, they’re in a better place. The person who is grieving doesn’t feel this, they feel loss and grief and will probably want to punch you.
2. Be in it for the long-haul. There are many stages of grief, so stay in contact and allow the person to be honest and either speak or not speak as the person who is grieving feels the need. If someone is suffering from complicated grief, recognise this and help them with how they are coping with grief.

Men and women grieve differently.

Men tend to want to get on and fix things and not talk. Women want to go over the circumstances and focus on their loss. This can cause issues within a couple, if e.g. there is a miscarriage or loss of a child.
The biggest single factor in having a good outcome then it is love that helps us survive the loss, so we need someone who we can feel supported by. And also having anything that helps us relax our body and remove stress, such as a massage. And we mustn’t try and forget the person. Don’t try and push their memory away, we need to reconnect to them in a positive way.
Give yourself treats and have a break away from the grief. Watch a movie with a happy ending that will likely make you feel better, even for the short term. Being around friends helps even though you don’t think it will because its that emotional contact. And if you can’t face friends, then you can always book in with Essential Feeling who understand about your grief over the loss of your loved one.

Find out more here

The phases of grief

Before we get into the phases of grief, it’s important to understand, what is a bereavement?

Bereavement can be defined as the loss of someone close to you, or the loss of a loved one. The grief experienced is the response to that loss.

So in this context grief and loss is a process which can be considered permanent. There will always be an element of loss. But, grief does change over time. There are a series of emotions experienced, even though there will always be a reaction of some kind to losing someone we love.

Stages of grieving

There are stages of grieving which is comforting to people as they see themselves or others moving through these phases or stages in an ordered way. It helps us understand and contain the chaos of grief if we have five jobs to do. We’ve discussed these in more detail, here.

However, this breakdown of the various stages of grief implies there is a particular order to dealing with grief and that grieving is a linear model where in fact we know that grief is a roller coaster with good and bad days being unpredictable.

In this video, they discuss how grief can be conceptualised:

1. Acute grief (grief shock).

The initial stages of grief which usually begins shortly after the death of a loved one. However, in the case of long term, terminal illnesses such as cancer or alzheimer’s, it is not unusual for the grief to start even before our loved ones have died. Many people feel guilt at grieving for the terminally ill prior to their death. This is a normal part of our acceptance. We should expect to behave in this way. It is misunderstood sometimes as being disloyal, but mourning is distinct to individuals and everyone’s process is valid.

Acute grief can include a whole host of experiences that you have never encountered before and you may feel vulnerable in a way you have never felt before. Grief postulates a series of emotions which are deep rooted such as a need to reconnect with the loved one that we have lost or are losing.

This can be overwhelming and you may feel significant emotional pain that can feel physical pain. There may be physical pain that you’ve never felt before such as fogginess and dizziness, heart palpitations and feelings of unreality and denial.

In this phase you may have frequently distracting thoughts about your loved ones. You may have issues concentrating on things that you would normally have been fine with. When we’re grieving our brain is less concerned with remembering normal day to day things. Consequently small things that were previously easy are suddenly more complicated. We find ourselves bargaining guilt, dealing with anger or slipping into an emotional tumble. This could lead to depression later on.

2. Integrated grief.

This is the enduring residual form of grief. In this the reality and meaning of the death are gradually understood. We meet a period of coping and acceptance. This is when we’re able to start moving forward again with enjoying ourselves and forming meaningful relationships.

Integrated grief does not mean that we forget about our loved one, we don’t miss them any less or stop experiencing sadness when we think about them. But, when we deal with integrated grief we’re able to find a way to feel connected to our loved one. Without them needing to be a physical presence in our lives.

We’re able to start to enjoy our life again without the thought of our loved one being constantly on our minds. However, there may be periods when acute grief and grieving re-emerges and it’s common. It can occur around the times of significant dates, e.g. holidays and birthdays, another loss, general life stress etc. But, when we hit the integrated grief phase, we’re understanding and beginning our process of healing.

Prolonged grief

A number of people may suffer with prolonged grief which is a timeline of an extended period of acute grief with complicated features which impede the restructuring process necessary for integrated grief.

To grieve is the natural process to help us adapt, and with other natural processes they don’t always run smoothly and so complicated grief can go on for years without the intensity of the grief decreasing.

If you’re suffering from complicated grief then you should consult with your GP who can refer you to a clinical psychologist with experience in complicated or prolonged grief.
If you’d like to book a grief therapy experience, you can do this here.

The role of counselling psychology in healing grief

It’s important to understand that many people who are bereaved will heal on their own without the intervention of medical measures or even counselling psychology. Grief is a normal phenomenon as a response to loss. When the loss is of a loved one, we call this a bereavement. Under normal circumstances, the best course of action is a sympathetic ear and a hug, and this is enough for people to make their way through their grief and eventually come out of the other side and get on with their lives.

However, not everyone has someone close to who they feel comfortable confiding in. It may be that you don’t want to be a burden, or you’re simply alone after the loss of your loved one.

Bereavement therapy at Essential Feeling

This is where the bereavement therapy at Essential Feeling comes in. We offer that loving touch, a warm and cosy space in which you can relax and process your bereavement and grieve with the comfort of a trained therapist. It’s not counselling per-se, but you have the opportunity to open up and for the tenseness in your muscles to relax without the pressure of professional psychology counselling for your grief.

Look for the signs

There are two major circumstances where a program of professional medical treatment of grief and bereavement may be useful and it’s important to look out for these signs:

1. When the grief from the loss of a loved one triggers depression

One of the symptoms of grief is feeling sad for a period of time, but a serious clinical type of depression is very different. We all know that because the loss of a loved one is so severe this could trigger a major depressive episode which is more serious than simple grief which people get over with a little tender love and care.
There are lots of aspects to the vulnerability experienced through tragic loss but someone who has a past history of depression either themselves or as a family history may become more vulnerable. In the first instance, a quick doctors appointment may not be a bad idea.

When a grief triggers a depression, then this makes everything worse. The grief is more difficult to get through and has significant consequences on its own. One of the things to look out for is whether the bereavement has triggered a major depressive episodes. If this is the case, then this is when the grief should be treated through the normal way that doctors would treat any other depressive episode, such as with drugs and so forth.

2. The pain of the bereavement just doesn’t heal on its own.

Most of the time supportive loved ones and time is all it takes for someone’s grief to heal. But for 5% to 10% of individuals time doesn’t help and healing doesn’t occur. Intense prolonged non-healing that lasts for more than 6 months is then likely to continue for years. At this point, deep grief will take a stranglehold on the individual and will interfere with their overall health and wellbeing as well as daily functioning. At this point, the bereavement increases the risk of a number of illnesses and psychological treatment from an accredited psychologist who has a practice speciality in bereavement can make a major major difference. Traditional medication may also help.

Daily symptoms of grief

When someone is still suffering from the daily symptoms of grief on a daily basis they will show certain behaviour. For example, they may have a preoccupation with the person who died on a daily basis. Or they may display acute pain or non-acceptance of the death, for longer than 6 months post the person dying. This is called complicated grief. This is a complication and extenuation of grief. In this instance grief treatment from psychologists who understand the mental effects of grief is necessary. And can be life saving. This specialist treatment from counsellors can help bring someone back from their bereavement. This will assist them in progressing forward having gained the support they need for healing to occur.

Research

In one study of complicated grief, a specific form of psychotherapy can be curative. Some medication can help and may help in combination with the counselling and psychotherapy. There is work ongoing at the moment to look at the specific combinations of medication and psychotherapy.

If you would like to know more about these studies and how medical research into counselling psychology is supporting them, please feel free to watch this video.

To find out more about the bereavement therapies offered at Essential Feeling, you can check out the pages here.

 

Effects of stress on health

Imagine sitting in traffic and you’re late for an important meeting, or for picking the kids up from school. How stressed does that make you feel? These are the effects of stress on health.

The fact that it makes you feel anything means that stress has an emotional effect on your health. Anything which affects our body, either positively or negatively and whether that be mental or physical, has a serious longer term impact on our health.

So, by default, the way you react is the short term impact of stress on your health.

 

Symptoms of stress

Subtle changes over time

Underneath all that panic there’s a subtle change going on to how your body processes all this stressful information. Your physical body is adapting to your increased mental pressure and turning stress into a more negative, chronic problem. You’re sweating to cool down on the off chance you may need to run, because back in the old caveman days, when we’re under stress we needed to run. Our bodies haven’t got over that yet, and so that’s also why our heart rate increases because we may need the extra blood and oxygen to make that run for it.

So, this is the long term affect the stress of repeatedly being stuck in a traffic jam can have. Day after day that sustained peaks in stress takes its toll on our heart and our health, because our system is overworking meaning it doesn’t now have enough energy left to keep us properly healthy.

Big changes and by then it’s often too late

Compound that little health issue with additional mental stresses that we all take for granted as being part of a busy life (picking up the kids, preparing food, holding down a job etc), and you’re now starting to see how easily stress can built up and the impact it very quickly takes on our health.

By utilising our energy to deal with stress, we’re taking from the available resource that we would use to function normally. This is when our body then starts to not have enough resource left to fix itself properly. So, we might get headaches from tension, our fight or flight response doesn’t know when to shut off so we don’t sleep at night and often times we are depressed.

Compound effects of stress

And so the story continues to compound as our body is now not only dealing with stress and a base level of anxiety, but also the triggers.

We’re busy so we forget to drink enough. And because our body needs water to filter out toxins, the situation worsens further. The whole thing turns into a self fulfilling prophecy.

Fertility and stress

Infertility and hormones reflexology and massage

The first physical thing to suffer usually is our fertility because this isn’t critical to keeping us alive. So, our sex drive will drop, we’ll miss periods and men will suffer symptoms of erectile dysfunction.

Over time, the problems of stress on health are unimaginable as cells don’t have the resource or the necessary sleep time to reproduce effectively. Malformed cell over the longer term become disease.

Our clients scoff at us when we tell them that stress is the root of all evil, and while that may be a tad on the dramatic side, hopefully you can now see how there are valid points to be made about reducing the impact stress has on our health. And if we can’t, then at least managing the effects it has on our body.

Reflexology is a great way to improve our immune system and reduce the way our mind overworks, thus reducing stress levels. A bit of self care goes a long way when we’re trying to combat the way stressors which make us jump to conclusions about events that are not actually as harmful as we perceive. Within a few reflexology sessions you’ll be able to see life from a more understanding perspective. Once you do this, stress disorders that you’ve been living with usually start to clear up on their own as your fight or flight reactions dull in line with the more relaxed approach you’ve now adopted to life.

You can find out more about reflexology and how it can improve your health, here.

How to increase the odds of getting pregnant

Want to know how to increase the odds of getting pregnant? I watch women every day of the week who are spending thousands, literally thousands of pounds at a time on IVF and other similar treatments to improve their fertility and thus chances of a successful conception.

And I’ve helped these ladies. Not just with their body, because although physical balance and a healthy lifestyle is important when you’re looking to increase your odds of getting pregnant, our wellbeing is made up of our mind and our body. We are physical and emotional beings. In the quest to improve our likelihood of getting pregnant, many women throw money at the problem and forget that they are human. And this affects our chances of getting and staying pregnant.
When I first started helping ladies to get pregnant, I would repeatedly ask myself “What’s the difference?” between those who are successful with their fertility and IVF journey and those who hinder their own chance of becoming pregnant.

The answer is the same every time.
Our mentality.

Mother to be pamper package

So, here’s how to increase the odds of getting pregnant.

We have nurtured the mentality of those who cannot enjoy pregnancy in order to move forward with a unique approach. We have consciously abandoned the statistics, the odds and the past so that we can have the present and the future we want.

I work with the ladies who are 42 years old and can’t find a scrap of miracle “evidence”. And we work to create that feeling of positive optimism. That anything is possible if we at least have some tools. Our body is wonderful at listening and providing what we want, we’ve all heard about the people who beat the odds with strength of character alone when they’re diagnosed with terminal illnesses. They’re not willing to give up. So why should we? But we need to do it in the right way. And this is the key that will unlock your door to increase your chances of getting pregnant.

It is important that we are all willing to accept our situation now. This is the starting point, the place where we take stock and accept where we are moving forward from as we move towards the iron will of someone who wants to increase the likelihood and chances of conceiving.

But, we can not strangle our body’s free will with the force of our need to improve our odds of conception. This is a finely balanced wheel we are turning and our journey is slow and methodical. Well, it appears it we can work together for a year before we see our odds of conceiving improve. But, when we get there, we arrive at our destination a changed person. The lessons we learn on this journey to increase the odds of getting pregnant will help us for the rest of our lives.

By releasing unwavering confidence, certainty and undisguised joy in our lives, we find our missing link.

You do not have to be perfect in almost constant happiness within your home life. You just need to be on board and work with me.
It simply boils down to your answer to this question:
Will you live on the odds or challenge them?

Take a second to think about this.
Will the “traditional wisdom” trap you and others (including so-called “experts”) think you might be on this journey?
What if rejection which is limited to probabilities gives you the freedom to own what you want?

If you want to succeed on this journey to improve your chance of getting pregnant, you must have their mentality.
My ladies don’t know what’s strange. They understand how your mentality increases the chances of pregnancy. They refuse to let past or present circumstances determine their future, and therefore:
* They become mothers — decide you’ll be one of them.
* Change your mentality, change your results.
Are you interested? Here’s an exercise to take this to the next level…

Will you live with the odds being stacked against you, or will you disobey them?
On this trip, you can easily say the right words, batten down the hatches with that steely determination. But to really fly free of negative odds, you must believe in your heart. It’s not enough to tell yourself. And this is where I can help. If you are prepared to believe that you can improve your odds with a full heart, I will get you to a state where you ignore the odds. Because there is always an exception.

When was the last time you decided from your heart, not some calculations that made you feel the illusion of control?

I’ll work with you using reflexology for fertility to balance your body. At the same time your mind will calm. We will use a variety of techniques to help your mental clarity relax and therefore over a sustained period improve your chances of conception. And you know what, you’ll probably never use an ovulation stick again. The day of ovulation is important still, but you’ll learn with me that it’s not the most important thing. Your likelihood of becoming pregnant will improve as you learn ways to increase your fertility by ignoring it.

How many times have you been told, ‘relax, it will happen’? I’ll get you there with easy steps to boost your fertility. We’re not going to run around every health food shop in the town trying to get weird roots that boost your chances of conceiving. We’re going to give you things you can do to increase your conception chances that are fun. That will bring joy into your lives. As a couple. And all the while, I’ll be working your feet with reflexology techniques that have been shown to increase your physical fertility and therefore may boost your odds when trying to conceive.

Guarantees

I won’t guarantee that you’ll be pregnant within a certain period. But, what I will do is give you everything I know. I will work with you and your personal fertility journey and if you commit to come and see me regularly within a year, we’ll have figured out the best way to increase the odds of pregnancy and you’ll be able to get pregnant faster.

I get asked if it has to take a year. Not at all. I’m just trying to set realistic expectations. There’s no point embarking on this journey and then losing the momentous half way through. Be prepared for the long haul and then if your chances of becoming pregnant improve faster that’s great. I have had many women over the ten years that I have been doing this who get pregnant within a few short months. But, prepare for a longer time and you won’t be disappointed.

So, to increase your chances of conceiving and successfully carrying your child full term, drop me a text on 07757 946023 and let’s work out what’s the best course to improve your fertility and increase the likelihood of becoming pregnant.